Drink Emergent-C! (But Drink the Kool-Aid First)


By Becky Garrison

Twenty youth pastors in parachute pants and Hanes Beefy-T's expressed mild disapproval for what they called "spiritual copyright infringement" after seeing the latest ad campaign for Emergen-C Health and Energy Water (www.emergenc.com), which they consider a ripoff of the vitamin water sold in megachurches everywhere. We speak, of course, of . . . EMERGENT-C!


• Emergent-C is so much more than just Emergent Church.


• The foundation of Emergent-C is generative friendships.


• Emergent-C’s publishing line provides your body and soul with vital, life-sustaining Emergent Church in a non-acidic, stomach-friendly formula with added Phd power.


• Beta Barack booster.


• Spiritual Supplement enables you to move toward a church without belief thanks to Alpha Obama political power.


• Emergent-C fuels your prayers with the natural postmodern buzz of fair trade coffee.


• Rogaine-enhanced to encourage goatee growth.

• All combined, Emergent-C is a potent blend of church planters, Phd students, pastors, and other mighty males that support moving toward faith as a way of life.


• Made in the USA


bubba boy spears | 01:19 am on 5/13/2008

Dear Becky,
I am wearing 'Fruit of the Looms' wife beater T shirts.
Also a pair of 'Round House' Overalls (the more expensive ones, with a blue/hickrey stripe) made in Oklahoma.
I have not drank Emergent-C Health & Energy Water.
My friends who sing and play in Cross Canadian Rag Weed tell me that I can be looked upon as a valued member of the community.
The closests I have come to Grace, is that I helped to write the words to "The Boys From Oklahoma Roll Their Joints All Wrong."
I do not approve of young folks drinking Emergent drinks. They should stick to the old and proven stuff, like boiled schroons.
Tell my cousin Lilly hello.
Bubba Boy Spears

Johnny Blaze | 09:20 am on 9/28/2009

Cme on', Emergent-C is perfect for sippin' in your double-wide trailer.....luxury at its finest. Might even be something your cousin/wife may be interested in.

Just playin..
Johnny Blaze
CEO, Halo Electronic Cigarette Co.

SRebbe | 12:45 pm on 5/13/2008

I know those who drink Emergen-C. I also work in this biz to keep a roof over my head. btw, there is a company that is called as such:

thanks for holding up the mirror to those in the church that make their living ripping off whatever they can find.

thou shalt not steal.

budda | 06:52 pm on 5/14/2008

You know, that is one of the first questions I'm gonna ask St. Pete at the pearly gates. (right after "what the hell do you mean I'm not in there?!) Why can't christians do original art well? Why, why, why do they always have to bastardize some aging secular trend? There are a few exceptions of course, christian music in the late 80's early 90's. We were all over ska, alt and punk. Just wasn't marketable for .... ok, sorry, just answered my own question.

Harold Matton | 04:18 pm on 10/11/2010

These photos are really great and beautiful, especially this one where are shown two smiling guys. They look really funny and it is really great to see that some people are very pleased with their life. Personally I have been searching not these photos but some information about Puma Swede. Anyway I am so glad that I have noticed this publication because it cheers me a lot. Thanks for sharing it!

Robert Winkler Burke | 02:30 pm on 5/13/2008

Great Post, Becky!

But now you've made me realize I am so goatee challenged. And that makes me feel emergently undangerous. Does your product plug up the sinuses and help me be a mouth breather?

Anthony | 10:19 am on 5/14/2008

As someone with a Ph.D., this hits close to home. Thanks!

Anonymouse | 12:33 pm on 5/14/2008


Dr. Elwin Ransom | 11:25 am on 5/14/2008

I have been a Christian and a gentleman all my life (with the possible exception of the time when some London rowdies made sport of my gloves and bowler), but it strikes me as the height of arrogance that these "emergent" American Christians should behave like baboons in the name innovative ministry. Their parents (or likely grandparents, if hippies) comported their views in this same anti-establishment attitude. Only then, the establishment meant something like "money-grubbers." Now we are to take it to mean something like "the older Presbyterians." Are not these members of the Body of Christ as well? Are we supposed to believe that there is greater authenticity in blogging through a haze of clove cigarettes than in reciting the Common Book of Prayer? You Americans have drunk too many lattes for your own good, why should you need another over-caffeinated soda pop. We recommend tea.

SRebbe | 01:00 pm on 5/14/2008

first off, Emergen-C is not an over-caffeinated soda pop. that one is still owned by Bawls (tho my preference still lean toward red bulls). Emergen-C is a lovely little bit of powder you can pop into your water or juice (or other beverage of choice) that turns it nice and fizzy and rushes Vitamin C to your system.

ok, shameless plugs I know, but it's the caffeine talking. that's the way love goes.

beerbird | 08:14 am on 5/15/2008

I'm excited to see CCR (that's Cross Canadian Ragweed) mentioned in the door. Maybe they could be a subject for an interview?

Lilly | 10:01 am on 5/15/2008

Oh yes!
I think the Door needs them.
It would not hurt to have a little culture around here.

go T | 02:41 pm on 5/15/2008

hi. we are starting an emerging church in a pub and wondered if we could order an alcoholic version of EmergenC . . . to make our communion real.

i guess we could always spike it in the name of Jesus.

SRebbe | 02:59 pm on 5/15/2008

go T,
Step 1: see above Emergen-C website or go to Whole Foods to purchase.
Step 2: add powder to sacramental wine or juice, depending on doctrine.
Step 3: njoy.

if employed at a dry denomination, add to natural apple cider after letting cider sit for 2-3 months (or longer) in a warm, dark location. dye purple (or use the acai version). serve to unsuspecting congregation. sit back and watch the fun.

Jobs Manhattan New York | 02:24 pm on 10/26/2009

I can see where there could be a problem with the name they chose. However, where's the Emergent-C website? I did a search and did not come up with anything for it. If they're really worried about it, why is there not even a website for it?

Anonymous | 11:17 am on 12/20/2009

hi. we are starting an emerging church in a pub and wondered if we could order an alcoholic version of EmergenC . . . to make our communion real.
Robert Frank,
CEO Tust TVShows

Josh.K | 05:47 am on 1/17/2011

They have the right to get an attitude, but I think there are more noble causes than that if they want to bring their contribution. I am sure they'll find the support they need in their church and religion. It could be the same in any other church, the Church of Shambhala is just an example.

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condos in evansville | 08:23 am on 2/16/2011

It is an interesting post. I am glad to see young pastors in action for preservation of their views and opinion which they consider just. It is nice to see them for a just cause. Wish them all success.

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