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Joe Bob Briggs
Founder, Focus on the Dysfunctional Family
07.01.2008 | Comments(18)

Why Whipkey Whipped Out a Whangdoodle in Weld

On a hot morning last June, Catholic priest Robert Whipkey was jogging naked through Greeley, Colorado–it’s not clear whether he was wearing his clerical collar, but that might look kinda cool–and a cop arrested him for indecent exposure even though he explained that he didn’t want to get his clothes sweaty and it never occurred to him that anyone would actually see his whangdoodle at such an early hour (4:30 a.m.). When Whipkey later explained to a Weld County jury why he had whipped it out, they convicted him in about, oh, 20 seconds. At sentencing he faces up to 18 months in prison, where clerical genitalia is frowned on.


CowboyKate | 01:12 am on 7/02/2008

"It's not the heat, it's the humanity."

As a former resident of Greeley, home to one of the largest meat-packing operations in the country, I was glad to see this nit-witted wanker convicted, especially in a town where the locals claim that the 24/7 stench of rendered bovine bits "Smells like money!!" It's also home to the Greeley Independence Stampede, the nation's biggest 4th of July rodeo. If you go, remember to breathe through yer mouth...

More Anonymous Than You | 08:43 am on 7/02/2008

Huh! Huh,huh. He said "meat-packing".

Lilly | 07:52 pm on 7/02/2008

OK. So, Whipkey had a one night stand.
Woke up before daylight and realized his new partner was ugly as hell. (They all look pretty at closing time)
He sneaks out and runs for home.
The Cop who made the arrest must have been a jerk.
Next time.
Give the good Father a ride home.
And promise not to tell.

CowboyKate | 01:41 pm on 7/03/2008

More background on your "good Father" from

"The Archdiocese of Denver said Whipkey previously was investigated for 'inappropriate personal behavior' more than eight years ago when he was the pastor of St. Anthony's Parish in Sterling, Colo.

Details were not released by the archdiocese, but a 7NEWS viewer said six families left St. Anthony's in Sterling after Whipkey allegedly gave nude 'sex talks' to 11-year-old boys while on a three-day camping trip..."

What's your fun spin on THAT one??

Droslovinia | 02:31 pm on 7/08/2008

I'm just curious. If a 7News viewer said that he saw Elvis allegedly running naked through the park, would you automatically accept that sighting as factual, too?

But if he did do it, and in America we have a principle of "innocent until proved guilty, unless it's said on television," what might he have said at such "talks?" Talk about awkward! I've tried some drastic things to get kids' attention in confirmation classes, but, for some reason, that never occurred to me.

Charity | 08:11 pm on 7/22/2008

That's some fine alliteration right there. Very harmonious.

SRebbe | 08:20 pm on 7/23/2008

better excuse: saving on dry cleaning bills. after all, priests take a vow of poverty. (do they still do that?)

Bailey Hankins | 09:28 pm on 7/23/2008

I wonder what his pedometer reading was as he ran past the elementary school.

Lilly | 10:03 pm on 7/23/2008

I give up.
Bailet Hankins has me rolling on the floor.

Lilly | 10:06 pm on 7/23/2008

Bailey also has me distracted enough to mispell Bailey and other words.

Process Deist | 07:20 am on 8/03/2008

It has been about a month since this story was posted.
What is the latest update on the Good Father Whipkey?
Has he been transfered?
Did he get to stay in Greeley?
Was he able to "stick it out", so to speak?

the missing link | 06:18 pm on 8/11/2008

Though he'd been to a good Catholic school
The padre was surely a fool
Just to unzip his fly
And whangdoodle the sky
With his rumbustious clerical tool!

Lilly | 08:44 pm on 8/11/2008

"Posting" the canter, around the track.
Flying around the Flag Pole.
The Vicar wants a Diddley.
The Priest is proud of his putter.

CowboyKate | 01:49 am on 8/21/2008

Today in Denver, a group of folks picketed the Denver Archdiocese, admonishing them to take away Whipkey's passport so that he'll be around for sentencing, which is coming up soon (max 18 months and a $5,000 fine, along with possible sex-offender registry). Their fear is that he'll wang his way south...

Ellen | 02:52 pm on 8/28/2008

Clerical genitalia is frowned on? Does that hurt? Is it legal? Sounds like the debo's shenanigans to me.

CowboyKate | 01:26 am on 11/21/2008

Five years' probation for Whipkey:

Bethany - Internet Advertising | 06:25 am on 12/22/2008

I always read the comments and enjoy all perspectives. I typically appreciate and enjoy the ones with which I disagree the most. It is important to have dialogue which can often turn into petty, pseudo intellectual rants (yes, I fully recognize that I should be lumped into that category this time). But to my mind THIS long-talk is sensless...

Bryan | 02:03 pm on 8/23/2009

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