If you experience a gagging reflex, episodes of rage or prolonged self-pity; if you experience a sudden decrease of irony or a dead certainty about your beliefs, consult with your minister, guru or spiritual practitioner immediately. The Door is not advised for Pharisees, Fundies, High Church Whiskeypalians or those who have experienced a recent upsurge in attendance at seances. The Door website should not be taken with The Purpose-Driven Life or Catholic Digest. A rare side effect in women who attend Marilyn Hickey seminars has been determined to be harmful to the ability to read Pauline epistles without extreme homophobia. Men who march in Fred Phelps demonstrations should not take The Door. Men who are members of Promise Keepers should enter the 21st century. If you experience a paroxysm of LOL that lasts for more than four hours, call Benny Hinn and give him all your money.

—Legal disclaimer prepared by Dr. Skippy R, Dr. J.B. Briggs, and Dr. Robert Jarvik, inventor of the artificial heart mentioned in the apocryphal book of Britney


Process Deist | 03:51 pm on 6/02/2008


Process Deist | 03:54 pm on 6/02/2008

Change my second answere from no, to maybe.

Siarlys Jenkins | 08:23 pm on 10/10/2008

Does that mean you have? Or it does?
(Don't anyone log in as Bill Clinton asking for a definition of "it," or "have" or "does."

P.S. When is the March/April issue coming out? And does the Disclaimer apply to its absence until it is present?

budda | 03:04 pm on 6/11/2008

I quit trying to change the world years ago. Then I quit trying to change me. Since I gave up hope I feel a lot better, and I'm resting in the peace that resignation brings.

Anonymous | 06:58 pm on 6/27/2008

lighten up you bunch of twits. this site is the funniest thing i've seen on the net.

pigseye | 07:44 am on 7/30/2008

Is this the right page? I really want to get it right. I'd feel awful if I left a post about a topic that is not relevent. Oh, how I try to be relevent.

pigseye | 07:45 am on 7/30/2008

Is this the right page? I really want to get it right. I'd feel awful if I left a post about a topic that is not relevent. Oh, how I try to be relevent.

Ms. Manners | 10:31 am on 7/30/2008

When posting a relevent comment, one should only press the 'Post Comment' button one time. Repeat posting of relevent comments will occur if the button is pressed more often.

Cynth The Poet | 09:46 pm on 8/17/2008

Disclaimer said:

Men who are members of Promise Keepers should enter the 21st century.

I say:

How about they enter the 20th Century before leaping all the way from the Victorian Era? They might not survive the impact of such a daunting leap forward.

Anonymous | 09:25 pm on 8/31/2008


Rev. Bill | 04:48 am on 9/07/2008

I remember to old WD from the 70's. Are you the illegitimate offspring? Really, get a clue and quit the T & A. There's whit, and there's bitter cynicism. Don't be a cynic.

kermit | 07:36 am on 9/07/2008

Wasn't the alleged Daniel Amos reference really from 'Guilty by Association' by Steve Taylor.
Think you went to the wrong Taylor here......

Anonymous | 09:51 pm on 10/07/2008

I got a subscription to The Door this last April for my birthday. I enjoyed it thoroughly and then........I've never seen another copy.....hmmmmmmmmm! I'll bet if I sent Benny Hinn some $$$$ he'd get back to me!!! Even the website seems to have crawled to a slow snail pace... isn't the current lead story a repeat from waaaaaay back? I hope you get it together... your voice is needed.

Anonymous | 10:08 am on 10/14/2008

I've been patiently waiting all year for the Door to come in the mail, not to mention the gift subscriptions I've gotton for others who never got anything, and now not much online either. I think I've had it. No communication is no bueno.

pigsey | 03:28 pm on 12/03/2008

I've decided to start another publication called the wittenburg window and charge $5.00 per issue in advance and never provide the issue. Then I will skip the country and go to bizzarro world
where the wittenburg door publication is always on time and funny.
I will then be able to convert my money into bizzarro dollars which will be worth less but buy more. Now if I could just get Ole on board I think it could work.

Siarlys Jenkins | 12:54 pm on 8/22/2009

This site hasn't posted anything new in a year or so. For slightly newer stuff, try


If you have some new material, post it as a comment, and I'll consider posting it as a post. Include your non de plume.

dirk husemann | 02:05 am on 1/28/2010

all moot: the door seems to be dead as a dodo. probably we were ALL too righteousness-aspiring...

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