Virgin Mary Found on Back of Grand Theft Auto


By Danny Gallagher

After spending more than three hours in line outside of a Gamespot in Rockford, Illinois, hoping to buy a copy of "Grand Theft Auto IV" so her son would have "friends," Jane Wallach made a startling discovery.

The game she purchased had an image of the Virgin Mary plainly visible on the reflective side of the disc.

Wallach said she found the image after beginning her inspection of the disc, per the advice of parenting magazines that encourage parents to preview video games before letting their children play them. She was inspecting the disc for potential scratches or fingerprints that might interrupt her child's ability to shoot pimps or carjack school buses when suddenly the familiar shape of the Virgin Mary's rounded veil came into view.


"My legs went numb," she said. "It was like the face of Mary was staring back at me, along with my face staring back at me as well. So really it's like she was looking at both of us, which was doubly scary."

News of the holy image spread quickly throughout the global Christian community. Thousands made the pilgrimage to Wallach's two-bedroom suburban home to view the game and leave offerings of flowers and crosses at the feet of its plastic casing. Even more showed up to
pray the Rosary and ask for divine guidance.

“I’ve been to the Vatican, to Nazareth, and to the Dalai Lama’s summer condo in Dharamsala, thanks to that trip I won after turning in three proofs of purchase to Fruit Loops,” said Justin George of Boise, Idaho, while waiting outside Wallach’s home. “But this is a place where I truly feel God’s presence.”

Retailers capitalized on the news and rushed ads into Sunday newspaper supplements. “The Mother of the Messiah Has RETURNED TO EARTH!” read the Best Buy ad, “and is available at the special Virgin Discount of $59.99.”

Religious scholars believe this newest image is the Holy Mother's way of reaching out to younger followers who may have strayed from her son's flock.

"This isn't a coincidence, just good marketing," said Dr. David Danforth, professor of theology at Southern Methodist University. "It could be only a matter of time before we see images of Mary and Christ on high-sugar energy drinks, iPods, carrot-flavored coffee cakes at Starbucks, meatless Boca Burgers, and even Ashton Kutcher films. Actually it’s long overdue. God should have been doing Airwalk shoes in the eighties, or badly painted custom vans in the seven–oh, right, he did do that."

Some of the children in Wallach’s neighborhood said they do feel closer to God after playing the game.


“My son is talking about wanting to go to church for the first time,” said mother Janey Weintraub. “He says he wants to ask the priest for forgiveness for shooting that hooker and taking her money after not paying for sex.”

Video game critics, however, such as Florida attorney Jack Thompson, worry the effect the games may have on holy deities. "Scientific and psychological studies have proven these games are designed to teach the players how to kill and soften their moral aptitude,” Thompson said. "Don’t we have enough earthquakes, tsunamis, floods and salmonella outbreaks? The last thing we need is something that encourages God to kill."

Dan Houser, Rockstar vice president, scoffed at the worries of critics and welcomed the divine appearance of the Holy Mother on one of his titles.

"The best part is we don't have to pay royalties for her appearance on the game," Houser said.


Facial Blushing Treatment | 02:03 pm on 12/19/2010

Very funny post. Of all the places for the virgin mary to show uo. You cant make this stuff up.
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sparkie | 07:36 pm on 7/01/2008

yo danny nice job on grand theft auto 4 tell kirk james says hi and to please put the songs up on youtube i have been staying in touch with nadile talk later

peace out homedog

from ur friend james aka sperky

P.S keep in touch and get into trouble

BJ | 08:51 pm on 7/01/2008

The new version of GTA is beginning to make sence to me. I was playing the other day and was able to become the Jesus character. It was very cool. I stole a garbage truck and picked up Mary Magdellan who was standing on a street corner.

fryzjer bydgoszcz | 06:23 am on 10/22/2010

I think Old versions is beginning to make sense. My brother is playing this game and I've not see any Jesus character. I might be thinking to reinstall it.Thanks

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Jason Cloney | 12:30 am on 11/22/2010

I was impressed, Thanks for the share buddy.........
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stpaulpd | 09:21 am on 7/02/2008

lol BJ, then we did a drive by on Pontius azz.

UNCLE KENNY | 08:25 am on 7/03/2008

Now that was good satire! BRAVO!

Internet fax | 04:55 am on 9/15/2010

GTA is the nice games I play some of there missions and really enjoy it.

Lois Lane | 07:34 am on 8/27/2008

Danny Gallagher, fancy meeting you here! I always knew you, like me, were an Irish Catholic whose halo is a bit off-center. I love it!

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Jim Neighbors | 05:58 am on 2/20/2009

The size and the whereabouts of the halo, no importance. The rhetoric underneath, shroud woven.

Anonymous | 07:41 pm on 9/28/2008

Hey a few years ago, a kid dropped an ice cream cone on the floor of the local soda shop and his mother said she saw the image of the virgin mary in the melting ice cream. Soon a crowd gathered and the women were shrieking madonna, madonna and calling this mess on the floor, our lady of the lactic puddle.

Anonymous | 08:26 am on 11/19/2008

I thought you were talking about the chick with her mouth open and the cherry about to be popped in it, my mistake!! :)

Jimbob | 06:43 am on 1/19/2009

I'm getting to be an old-fart, but I am still juvenile enough to applaud you for your satire in the National Lampoon tradition. Whatever that was.
Keep it up.

rent wii games | 03:03 am on 10/24/2010

I am a great fan of GTA mate.

Reece - Broward County Records | 06:33 am on 1/20/2009

nice point of view and original plot! continue to write like this

Lilly | 08:22 am on 1/23/2009

that's fantastoic to creat games for children to bring them closer to God! I think that this is the best thing that programmers can do in their work! that's really meritoriously

zonnehemel | 05:11 am on 10/04/2010

I think your right, but then again i also enjoy the game AND love people, so..

Nice blog btw

Sienna - Scholarship Advice | 08:58 am on 3/17/2009

Fully agree ith you, Lilly! This is the game children play, but not all these horrific things, that they do. This makes children unconsciously love God, and then to become better people... That's really great for developpers!

pest control products | 02:15 pm on 10/18/2010

Yeah I'm agree with you too.!This is the game which people like post and I think it is logical game for children and for teenager.Thanks

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FAFSA-federal application for society-amalgamations | 06:15 pm on 4/26/2009

I found the image of Jesus in my sperm that i accidently wanked onto the wall behind my computer, does that mean that im god?!!!

irishpoetry | 08:19 pm on 8/27/2010

No, it means that you have a dirty mind and a dirty foul mouth, and if you don't believe in God, then you should at least fear the unknown which awaits you. You should actually pray for yourself, for your mind and your mouth are a mess - you need to clean yourself up, so you don't get further contaminated or contaminate others.

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its great!

Anonymouss | 01:46 pm on 10/04/2010

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Tom | 06:28 am on 10/08/2010

YES IT DEFINITELY DOES!!! Hear Ye Hear Ye! The Messiah has cum.......haha, joker

justin bieber | 07:57 am on 6/04/2010

GTA games are not for child. Keep it away from those who are under 16 (my recommendation) and better keep it away from under 18. I am not sure but I heard many times that GTA was banned in some countries for its violence which it is famous for.

BTW, is it still available in Best Buy for $59.99. I want to have one but couldn't find one reliable source to buy. And I am 24 already :)

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Prash | 03:34 am on 7/11/2010

I love GTA very much, but i think the name of divine should not be use in such games, that is little bit weird thing

David | 10:19 am on 8/02/2010

You should do something about all the junk comments here!

Oswald | 11:29 pm on 8/03/2010

I think the Virgin Mary part or the divine part should not be included in this game. Still, I like this game.

Kids Jackets | 02:16 am on 8/05/2010

Rockstar later decided that they would like to go back to the original system of giving out rampages as featured in Grand Theft Auto and Grand Theft Auto 2.

Ugg Boots Sale Fan | 03:15 am on 8/06/2010

This is a real Rockstar game. I think GTA1 and GTA2 platform are more stable than the succeeding GTAs. I can only say this because I have both game.

bandenspanning | 05:12 am on 10/04/2010

I Agree with you,

Can't wait for GTA5

Ozzy Ugg Boots | 02:38 am on 8/11/2010

No matter what it is. its still a violation to certain religious sect. the programmer should have not included it. There are more things they should have put in there.

Bearings | 10:52 pm on 8/15/2010

I'm getting to be an old-fart, but I am still juvenile enough to applaud you for your satire in the National Lampoon tradition. Whatever that was.
Keep it up.

Handy Akku Notebookakku PDA | 02:29 pm on 8/16/2010

Nice one for thinking way too much about unimportant movies! I recommend you try Michael Crichton's Coma, its a good movie!

Englisch Übersetzer | 05:43 pm on 8/17/2010

My daughter had this problem and it took a very long time to work through it and get used to everything. It just takes tons of work!

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Woah, strange experience!! Great game though!

Jona007 | 12:16 am on 8/24/2010

Publishers of such popular game franchises as Grand Theft Auto, Red Dead Redemption.wonderful.
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SarahJ844 | 05:00 pm on 9/01/2010

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Kettles & Toasters | 08:14 am on 9/06/2010

Good evening, I have popped on your site on a few occasions now and your postings are always excellent! Thanks for this great share and keep up the great work (a big fan of GTA btw)!:)

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