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04/22/2008Epigrammatic Theology for the Megachurch Generation
By Fred Allen
Bumper stickers for the new millennium:
One nation under awed.
Jesus saves, but the interest rate leaves a lot to be desired.
Better latte than never.
Remember the Sabbath and keep it short.
The meek don’t want it.
Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be slightly irritating.
Given God's aversion to sin, it's probably best to limit visitation hours.
You're happy. Big deal.
Pretending is necessary.
Sermons should be delivered to your door and you should get a refund if it's more than 30 minutes or cold.
Jesus probably has better things to do.
Boredom is a form of sacrifice.
Three things I don't understand: The love of God, the cross of Christ, and celery.
If it were funny, I'd be laughing.
Never ask the Holy Spirit for a light.
ehh... it was funny, but at least some photoshoped examples would have made it much funnier.
-In the event of the rapture, don't touch my shit, I'll be back for it!
-Don't let the car fool you, my treasure is in heaven (and Bank of America)
-COEXIST, or I'll blow your f'ing head off
-My boss is a Jewish insurance magnate
Geesh, thanks for getting me started, Fred. Now I'll be making these things up everytime I drive down the road...
I will take one CoExist, one Boredom, two Pretendings, one Sermon, and stack of Irritatings... do I need to raise support first?
Is it wrong to secretly put a few of these on pastors' cars?
The Road to Heaven is best traveled in a Cadillac.
Confess and Believe and Continue to Be Decieved
Health and Wealth leads to Smelly Smelt
God knows You Don't Know
Take Your Holy Ghost Machine Gun to Church
Be Careful of Big Mega Church Movements
Ask the Pope if You wants some Dope
Denomination leads to Damnation
Since I gave up hope, I feel a lot better.
I can't really believe!
My favourite website: www.thefaithdebate.com
ok, the spambot is back.
The LORD Bought Me This Mercedes Benz
Named It. Claimed It. Still Didn't Get It.
Jesus Knows What You Did With Me At The Bar Last Night
My Church Outseats Your Church
Screw the Environment. Jesus is Comin' Back!
Proudly Serving The Saved and Starbucks!
God Made Monkeys and They STAYED That Way
Jesus saves, I spend.
Prayer Partner with Benfits.
Benefits
Got MILF?
What's missing from Chu h? RC
Don't screw with Sproul, mister. Them's fightin' words!
No one makes me laugh like BJ does. Missed your humor lately.
BJ, you got out!
Yeah. I've been stuck in a Texas court room trying to get my 36 kids back.
There's a fine line between Saturday night and Sunday Morning.
My daddy was a minister, so I art one too
Children are like televangelists.
They always need money and
They never take correction.
God is busy. May I help you?
The ant: I owe the world a living.
The grasshopper: The world owes me a living.
The televangelist: The world owes me a tithe.
Growth Movements belong in the bathroom.
Suddenly I felt emergent. The Metamucil must be working.
Okay, enough potty talk.
actually, those were pretty good, Dave.
My other church is a mega mega church.
Honk if you love preachers with big boobs.
dang, I gotta get in on the ministry!
That reminds me, I've been thinking about a new ministry. Nothing shows the love of God like a "pearl necklace".
The Vicar of Dibley comes to mind.
long live Dawn French.
Multi Million Mega Church
Size does matter!
Multi Million Mega Church
Experience God's girth
Actually I said that.
B J take it easy.
There is enough of Mega Church Madness to go around for all of us. Jeremiah, Elijah and Ezekiel would feel right at home blogging on the beast that feasts on the failing of others.
For Copeland's Cessna Citation X business jet, "When I grow up I want to be a 747!"
Cool, I just emailed them to a friend who would enjoy them, and my pastor....who wouldn't. :-)
have you been excommunicated yet?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm one must ponder... the Celery issue is one which has long been a bone of contention in my life?????
jesus was.
Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive.
No double dipping.
(depending on your church's sacrament style)
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