Skippy R's picture
02.23.2008 | Comments(4)

McCain, nip this rumor in the bud!

As I was driving home from work the other day, dodging falling satellite debris and listening to NPR, I heard a rumor that I hope was a mistake.

Since Condoleeza Rice has said she definitely won't serve as John McCain's black/woman running mate, some fool suggested the name of charismatic and successful televangelist Creflo Dollar.

Sure, I can understand the desperate reasoning. On the surface it looks like a brilliant political move.

One: He's black.
Two: He shores up Religious Right support.
Three: He's a capitalist, free market entrepreneur.
Four: McCain's fundraising problems would be over. Forever.

McCain has been bickering with Barack Obama about their pledge to use the federal matching funds program. Then McCain sort of decided to opt out himself. Creflo Dollar would make that whole argument go away. There would be no need for fund raising at all. The money would just pour in from heaven.

Example: Dollar's Georgia headquarters church building, the $18 million World Dome, was constructed without any bank financing at all.

Having Creflo's super-hot wife Taffy (and her 2008 Virtuous Woman Conference) on the ticket would blunt questions about McCain's relationship with a possibly non-virtuous female lobbyist.

Dollar's ministry is undergirded by more than a million "partners" who support him with a monthly "pledge." This army of supporters would impressively swell the numbers of McCain's campaign worker bees for the duration of the campaign.

No longer would McCain get in trouble for flying around on lobbyists' airplanes. Dollar has two jets, a Gulfstream-3 valued at $5.3 million and a Gates LearJet valued at nearly $1 million, to put at the service of the campaign. They're sort of magical planes, too. "Every time I step out of my plane, devils better get outta the way," Dollar says. That could come in handy during a campaign filled with dirty tricks and innuendo.

McCain could even borrow Dollar's vapid ministry slogan, "Solutions for Change, Understanding for Life," undercutting Obama's own vapid campaign theme.

McCain might also want to incorporate some of Creflo Dollar's theological ideas. The Prosperity Gospel philosophy might allow big government to shrink, with most of the funding for the poor taken over by God himself rather than draining government coffers. "The Bible makes it so very clear," Dollar told Business Week magazine. "Preach the Gospel to the poor. What's the Gospel to the poor? You don't have to be poor anymore! "

Now that's a proposal that could cut across racial, class and party lines.

This would also solve a few problems for Creflo Dollar. Sen. Grassley can't really investigate you for tax fraud if you're Vice President of the United States.

But think about the downside. Dollar is a sleazy, money-grubbing heretic who sucks the life out of the most vulnerable in society.

(Come to think about it, he'd probably make a better politician than pastor).

Let's just hope cooler heads prevail.

(Thanks to Jeff Johansen for his keen political insight and help on this article)

More posts at www.wittenburgblog.com.

FurlStumbleUponTechnorati Tags: McCain Creflo Dollar, Christian humor, satire, humor

Comments(4)

that calvinist doug | 05:37 pm on 2/25/2008

Does this mean Obama-bin-Laden (if he gets permission from Oprah and his wife) will choose Rob Bell? Just wondering...

SRebbe | 05:14 pm on 2/27/2008

do you speak of Rob Bell the pastor or Rob Bell the Virginia delegate?

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Michale Cross | 07:04 pm on 6/17/2008

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