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DISCUSSGood News for Postmodern Man
05/06/2008By Dale Dobson
Taking a page from the extensive Chicken Soup for the Soul marketing handbook, the publishers of Good News for Modern Man are pleased to announce an extensive new line of niche-targeted Bible translations:
Good News for Primitive Man
"Take. Eat. Live. Ah! Good!"
Good News for the Ottoman
"For forty years you sustained them in the desert and the living room alike; they lacked nothing, nor did their feet become swollen."
Good News for Superman
"Look at the birds of the air. They are not like the planes. They do not leap over the tall buildings in a single bound. And yet your heavenly Father feeds them."
Good News for Fuller Brush Man
"Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, have I got a deal for him-with a free air freshener and a special discount on our full line of shoe buffing accessories."
Good News for Carman
"It is not the sound of defeat; it is the sound of singing that I hear. Can I tell the difference between what is good and what is not? Can I still hear the voice of the singer? Surely this man is the Son of God!"
Good News for Modem Man
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Good News for Letterman
"And he carried forth these tablets bearing what had been written before, the Ten Commandments proclaimed on the mountain, out of the fire. And each night, there were ten more. And most of the time they were funny, for the most part, more or less."
Good News for Modern Woman
"Ruth said, 'Do not urge me to leave you or quit following you! Where you go, I will go. Where you live, I will live. I have all my life to live, and all my love to give. Where you survive, I will survive. Hey hey!'"
Good News for Lieberman
"And he stretched out his hand over the Red Sea, and the Blue Sea. And the parties were divided, and were as a wall unto him on the right hand, and on the left."
Good News for Frosty the Snowman
"As heat and drought snatch away the melted snow, so the grave snatches away those who have sinned. But thou, my servant, art as pure as the ... well, you know."
Not funny. Not that its offensive, it just doesn't strike me as funny. Good premise, but its not carried through well....
I agree!
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Good news for the cave man
"My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Even a caveman . . ."
Was that one to obvious?
if ever there was proof that the writer's strike came at a bad time... the only reason that show didn't get yanked after the first episode
Good news for Bobby Patterson
Look at the birds of the air. They are not faster than Emmit Smith, nor more powerful than a DART train
oh nevermind. This is too lame.
Good news for Dennis Rodman
For the weapons of our warfare . . . are mighty . . . for the pulling down of rebounds as well as pulling some primo coochie.
Good news for Method man
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the Wu Tang Clan behind me.
Good news for the tin man
Your treasure is in heaven . . . where rust does not destroy.
Completely off topic, I know, but for anyone who wants to win a free DVD of I Am Legend, play the "I Am Legend/Gospel of Jesus Christ compare/contrast"-game here.
Grace and Peace,
Raffi Shahinian
Parables of a Prodigal World
Good news for the stickman
Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we will have a new body.
Dam, BJ, your on fire, you should have written this piece.
Good News for those in Never Never Land
You never have to think
You never have to do
You never have to know
You never have to lever your intelletual lever
Leiberman, Letterman, this version is more for Jews than Christians.
hey buddy, watch your language. Who you calling a christian anyway?
so this is what happens when I am forced to do work? man oh man, save some cake...
Hey Wittenburg Door why did you remove my comments on Kenny Copeland from this article?
Because you weren't very descerning.
Well BJ, neither is Copeland and all the doofs that give him money.
Good News for the tidy bowl man
I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from "The waves of death that swirled about me."
Good News for the Christian Book Store, more crap to sell.
(When is the next Veggie Tales movie coming out?)
Veggie Tales is for the 'milk fed'.
Step on up to the 'meat'.
Read the Left Behind series.
Christian Book stores will never go broke.
Actually, I think Veggie Tales is more realistic. Not as funny though.
Good point!
And they funny, without even trying.
Somewhere I left out the word "are".
Feel free to insert it in my above post.
oh, but it's fun, mushy stuff!
Phil Vischer has seen the error of his ways and has repented:
"We were selling a gazillion videos and I was getting 400 fan letters a day, but one day I was reading my Bible and came across the fruit of the Spirit. It occurred to me that none of those things was present in my life. It didn't say the fruit of the Spirit is impact, large numbers, or selling lots of videos. I realized something was not right.
"There is a danger in applying business principles to ministry. Businesses use numbers to measure success and ministries shouldn't. Using numbers to convince ourselves that we are doing God's will is dangerous. Second, remember that nothing is scripture except Scripture. We shouldn't look at a model another church is using and simply adopt it. Because God has uniquely led someone doesn't mean he is leading you into the same thing."
What's with all this gaddam postmodern talk. Gaw... shut up.
I was going to add something creative, but I'm just not feeling it now. I do like the Modem Man...if only I read binary. Anyone have a translation, or was that just a bunch of random zeroes and ones?
Every once in a while, I don't mind the gentle giggles. But please keep the savage satire coming.
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