Joe Bob Briggs's picture
Joe Bob Briggs
Founder, Focus on the Dysfunctional Family
05.19.2008 | Comments(14)

They Love the Old Testament in Omaha

Grace University, the Omaha Bible college, is asking alumni to donate money for Commemorative Plagues. For a gift of $5,000, your plague will be embedded for three years on the doorpost over a classroom, presumably so that all the students inside can be slain. Since there are only ten Biblical plagues–bloody water, frogs, gnats, flies, dead cows, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, and slaying of the first-born–and since the university wants to raise a total of $100,000, they’re gonna need at least ten more plagues, so I would recommend Bubonic, smallpox, Spanish flu, Black Death, malaria, cholera, typhus, anthrax, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, and herpes. That would be enough money to decimate 20 classrooms for three years, and you can dedicate your disease and/or natural disaster to a loved one. Just don’t pick a first born, that would be in poor taste.

Commemorative Plague


St.apostate | 08:08 am on 5/20/2008

How about this plague..Your 15 year old daughter hooks up with a morman polygamist, or your 10 year old son becomes an alterboy at
father felacios parish. Whore!! what whore?

SRebbe | 12:24 pm on 5/20/2008

in memory of St. Dyslexia and St. Spellquek

I've always been a fan of the f.r.o.g. as those poor amphibians are metaphors of xtian "rebirth" (evolution?) and have been just plain overmarketed as it is.

hoppy fundraising!

that calvinist doug | 02:48 pm on 5/20/2008

That's the problem WIT spellcheckers, DAY simply don't catch this stuff because, after all, plague is a REEL word

luke h. | 08:39 am on 5/21/2008

Eye couldn't agree moore...

(Yeah, I'm dead weight. I know.)

60613 | 09:33 am on 5/21/2008

Why not AIDS? Surely it qualifies as a plauge?

Process Deist | 09:50 am on 5/21/2008

May the fleas of a thousand camels invade your shorts.
Do you really think God qualifies AIDS as a plauge?

that calvinist doug | 02:47 pm on 5/21/2008

60613 and PD, what the hell is a plauge? Sounds like a plumbing device.

Process Deist | 04:16 pm on 5/21/2008

once in a while.

ReformedOne | 10:41 am on 5/21/2008

Herpes??? There couldn't be any of that floating around at a Bible college, could there???

SRebbe | 03:06 pm on 5/21/2008

give the gift that lasts a lifetime.

Process Deist | 05:52 pm on 5/21/2008

Refrain from that Holy kiss, until after the outbreak is over.

Charity | 11:40 am on 5/21/2008

You elitist speller guy!

Must be one of them fancy East Coast librul book-learnin' types.

In conclusion, I quote the late great Bill Hicks: "What are ya reading FOR?"

Angus Dei | 10:13 am on 5/22/2008

How about Mad Sacred Cow Disease?

SRebbe | 03:26 pm on 5/22/2008

love the name because that's how all these uneducated freaks pronounce the Sacred Language. what's up with calling our LRD a cow, man?

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