Joe Bob Briggs's picture
Joe Bob Briggs
Founder, Focus on the Dysfunctional Family
05.19.2008 | Comments(1)

Nekkid Java

The Resistance, a Christian organization in San Diego, is calling for a nationwide boycott of the new Starbucks logo, because it shows too much of the mermaid’s boobs, plus they’re not too crazy about what she’s doing with her tail, either. Thanks to state-of-the-art Wittenburg Door information technology, we were able to enlarge the Starbucks mermaid and study her breasts in detail, and we were unable to detect any stretch marks or droopage, which would definitely be in bad taste, not to mention gross, and would classify these particular mammaries as hypoplastic C cups with lightly-defined areolas, symmetrical and devoid of sag issues, with a moderately perky nipple. I have to disagree with my brethren in San Diego and suggest that this mermaid, while not perfect, is probably a 32C and therefore well within the bounds of Christian good taste, and you can cover that split in her tail with your thumb while you’re drinking the latte. Just don’t think about it.

Comments(1)

that calvinist doug | 04:09 pm on 5/19/2008

Ooo boy, John, you so naaasty.

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