Joe Bob Briggs's picture
Joe Bob Briggs
Founder, Focus on the Dysfunctional Family
05.06.2008 | Comments(8)

It's Not Your Father's Thunderbird

Wal-Mart announced that it is going into the wine business, teaming up with Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce an affordable ($6 to $8) bottle of *vino* for the masses. The principal red varietal will be a charming little number called Arkansas Beaujolais, made of muscatel and just a hint of wood alcohol, while white-wine lovers will enjoy Chardonnay Pea Ridge, with an aroma of the woolly muskrat competing fiercely for prominence with the underappreciated wild Ozark smudgepot grape.


Process Deist | 11:55 pm on 5/06/2008

St Genevieve's Texas Red....1.5L or STE GENEVIEVE CABERNET SAUVIGNON 1.5L for under 10 bucks.
Great with BBQ or fried pork rinds.

that calvinist doug | 06:59 am on 5/07/2008

throw in some store-branded saltines and we could do communion there.

tc | 12:20 pm on 5/07/2008

Your being too kind.

The wines that you were talking about
-would go for closer to $50 dollars a bottle.

The 7 to 8 dollar range would be flavored with
incestuous sweat and chewun teebakker speet.

(insert dueling banjos here)

that calvinist doug | 02:56 pm on 5/07/2008

Do we really want to know how sweat becomes "incestuous?", actually, please don't tell me.

SRebbe | 04:15 pm on 5/07/2008

I'll take "How To Know When Your Business is Screwed" for $300, Alex

oh wait... does the portfolio include a box version?

Questioner | 08:25 pm on 5/07/2008

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO? Come on. Close the DOOR to These silly ( insert Python line here) subplots. While I know Wal-Mart has no shame and Gallo is unashamedly capitalist enough to go along; must you Joe Bob?

Process Deist | 09:06 pm on 5/07/2008

Python humor ? I say, one does find British humor superior to American comedy.
The above wine story, rather made me think of 'Posh Nosh' humor.

budda | 11:15 am on 5/08/2008

It made me think of the movie "Sideways".
JACK Do not sabotage me. If you want to be a lightweight, that's your call. But do not sabotage me.
MILES Aye-aye, captain.
JACK And if they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot.
MILES If anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am not drinking any fucking Merlot!

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