John Bloom's picture
06.10.2008 | Comments(3)

When Ahmadinejad Speaks, Everyone Says Shut Up

The ayatollahs told Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to stop talking theology because he’s not qualified for ijtihad, which is the independent reasoning necessary for intepreting Islam for the people. ahmadinejad

Ahmadinejad stepped over the line when he started receiving direct messages from the Imam Mahdi, or Hidden Imam, who appeared to die in the 8th century but actually went into “occultation” in the spiritual realm, with his body waiting in a cave somewhere (the location varies, but Ahmadinejad says it’s near Qum) so that he can return as the Islamic messiah, reigning with Jesus to fight the anti-Christ and seeking vengeance for the massacre of Husayn’s army at Karbala in 680. (Islamic end times theology is almost as bizarre as Tim LaHaye’s.) At any rate, the Hidden Imam has been sending messages lately, according to Ahmadinejad, directing the policies of the current Iranian government. This went far beyond Ahmadinejad’s previous remarks about wanting to “hasten the emergence” of the Imam and made all the ayatollahs pucker as one in their hidden places.

We Got Your Lotus Position Right Here


The Dalai Lama is getting dissed everywhere he goes now. He had a big rally at the Brandenburg Gate, but the Germans were obviously not pleased that he was in the country. When he spent 11 days traipsing around England, nobody answered the door at 10 Downing Street. Meanwhile, those inscrutable Chinese cut off access to Mount Kailash in the Himalayas, where thousands of Hindus journey every summer to get close to Lord Shiva. Somebody should brief the Politburo: he’s a Buddhist, not a Hindu. Don’t be mean when you tell them, though. China demanded an apology from CNN when a commentator said after the Tibet riots that China’s leadership is “basically the same bunch of goons and thugs they’ve been for the last 50 years.” Here’s the punch line, though: CNN apologized! Here’s the better punch line: when China said the apology was insufficient, CNN apologized again with a better apology! CNN’s president is named Jim Walton, and Jim apparently didn’t play enough dodgeball in junior high.

Stepping Up

Dwyane Wade

Dwyane Wade, the superstar guard for the Miami Heat, bought his mother a church in Chicago–well, bought her a building for her existing church in Chicago–to climax the journey of Jolinda Wade from drug user to drug dealer to felony fugitive to state prison inmate to minister of the gospel at what has been christened the Temple of Praise. Reverend Wade was brought to Christ by her daughter Tragil, who raised Dwyane while their mother was strung out on drugs. Tragil had urged her mom to turn herself in on an old felony warrant, serve her time, and start fresh. She agreed. And she did what Miami Heat coach Pat Riley calls “stepping up.”


Anonymous | 01:47 pm on 6/11/2008

And an NBA official called a foul on D-Wade's mom an instant before this photo was taken.

that calvinist doug | 04:06 pm on 6/11/2008

Sounds like President Imadinnerjacket has his head securely in place. I can't imagine why anyone would discredit Obama's idea of having "talks" with him; he sounds like a very reasonable man.

LOVED the picture of the Dalai Lama. The caption possibilities are intriguing.

And, if the NBA official did call a foul on Wade's mom, I just want to know if said official had a wager on whether the church would be for or against black liberation theology.

The High and The Mighty | 07:48 pm on 6/11/2008

Why is that any different than John McCain kissing up to John Hagee or Barack Obama putting up with Jeremiah Wright???

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