Skippy R's picture
03.04.2008 | Comments(4)

Any candidates claiming to be funniest?

This is primary voting day in Texas, where I live. I went to the local library where I've always voted, but noticed it said "Democratic Polling Place." I wanted to vote in the Republican primary.

"Oh, you can only vote Democratic here," a nice lady told me. She mentioned a Baptist church some blocks away as the Republican polling place.

I've never seen nor heard of this Baptist church in my neighborhood, and I'm a Baptist from way back. I didn't have time to look for it either-- I had to get to work.

As I drove away without being able to exercise my constitutional right, I wondered: "Is this one of those double-triple-cross schemes cooked up by Karl Rove to make it seem that there aren't any Republicans left... and then they can jump out and ambush the other party in November? Sure, that must be it. What would we do without Karl, always one step ahead of everybody."

Over the years, I've agonized over the correct position on Christians in politics. I've carefully considered the scriptures recounting the choosing of David as king by the Israelite tribes, Paul's teaching on authority in Romans 13, Jesus' parables on helping the poor and the apocalyptic viewpoint on government as Beast from the book of Revelation. I even parsed the political commentary of both Jim Wallis and Richard Land--a thankless job.

In the end, I decided to vote for the funniest candidate.

George Bush got my vote last time, and that worked out really well. Everyone can agree that over the course of his presidency Bush has brought laughter and comic relief to millions.

This year I felt Obama and Clinton were both taking themselves way too seriously. Huckabee, although he has a great delivery and can banter easily with the talk show hosts, takes himself even more seriously than Obama and Clinton, if you scratch beneath the surface. (Of course, Ron Paul would have been the funniest looking candidate, but that's not my standard).

So I'm voting for McCain. On the Straight Talk Express bus, he tells the same jokes over and over, and laughs at 'em every time. He's always poking fun at his staff, the press and himself. Back in the Hanoi Hilton, he even took satirical potshots at his torturers as they beat him to a pulp and broke his arms.

We need a president who can stare into the face of adversity with a wink and a bad joke. Like Davey Crockett, John McCain could probably win a grinning contest with a grizzly bear.

But now I feel like the joke's on me. I can't find my polling place. Primary day is slipping away. Thank goodness, voting for the funniest candidate allows you to keep your expectations low. Humor, after all, is relative.

Even if I never get to vote for him, I plan on going down to join McCain at his victory party at Dallas' Fairmont Hotel tonight. I just want to shake his hand.

But I've always been partial to slapstick. So I'll be wearing my coonskin cap and carrying a concealed hand buzzer. The other celebrants probably all used a different political criteria than funniness. They may not get the joke.

I'll let you know how long it takes 'em to throw me out on my butt.

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Process Deist | 07:32 pm on 3/04/2008

I voted early. I observed that the Democrats would sign in and pickup a paper ballot, the Republicans would sign in and walk to the electronic voting machine. I told my wife about this.
The next day she went in and voted and observed the same pattern.
This morning our daughter voted and observed the same pattern.
I know that not all counties offer these options, this a pattern all over Texas.
At noon today I ate lunch at a cafe in East Texas. I was seated at a large table with a group of 'regulars'. One guy was black with a cap that said 'Vietnam Veteran', another was white with a cap bearing the embroidered outline of marijuana leaves and the third man was wearing a cap stating 'tigolbitties and beer'.
I did not ask their party affilliation but did ask if they voted using paper or electronic. They replied that paper was the only safe way to geeks could change the outcome if you voted by machine.
Do I have ESP or what!!!!?????
Yes sir. I can tell a Democrat.....I just don't try to tell them too much.

Droslovinia | 01:24 pm on 3/06/2008

Deist, what does that mean?

I can tell you do not live in Ohio or Florida, where they have counties with more Republican voters than residents, but what exactly is your beef here?

As to the rest of it, I thought Huckabee had the best sense of humor. C'mon! Give Chuck Norris some love! If you can just get past his scary views on the constitution, he's a gold-mine of humor!

Process Deist | 11:16 pm on 3/07/2008

I think it means that yellow dog democrats will never embrace the modern age. They brag about their glorious lack of sophistication.
I think that republicans are too busy trying to make patriotism one of the 10 Commandments.
By the way.....I AM NOT a member of either party. I only get to vote if I vote in one of their primaries.

SRebbe | 04:33 pm on 3/13/2008

Interesting observation. I married a conservative and he bemoans going back to the electronicless days. Yep, because "it's safer."

Ah, if only I could've seen inside his head during the election scam scene during Heros...

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